I am in constant pain now. The doctor has taken me off my pain meds and I'm not sure thats a bad thing......but it is painful.....I will deal with it....
I have always done my best to deal with things, sometimes it is difficult, most times it seems impossible. At the moment I feel that my life is falling apart. My life does not feel like my own. Then again, I feel as if I don't know what to do with this life anyways......Maybe somebody else should run it, heh?
Today is the first day of the rest of my life? Today is the last day of the rest of my life? Which is it? Is it even my life? Sometimes we burden ourselves with so much responsibility that maybe our lives are no longer our own. Talk to those that really feel that they have a purpose, listen to their convictions... What do I hear... Those that have found love and not squandered it away have the best lives... Even they have challenges, they have responsibilities, and the burden they bare is the fear of letting down the one they love... If the one they love feels as strongly as they do then they cannot let them down... Cannot disappoint them...
I found the love of my life once... I tested that love... I failed not them... Is it our nature to test the ones we love...? I think so for I have never tested another relationship... I have never found another love...
I don't think that I have ever been loved in the way that I felt for my love... Perhaps she did love me the same... I will never know... I will never ask...
Just random thoughts that none will read here... Thoughts that can float in the vast space of the internet... I find comfort in the unknown at times... I also find fear... So life goes on... Even after we're gone... What is next.......
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Sunday, March 3, 2013
I think that the surgery to my herniated disc will help for a while. I'm not sure how long though. Once people start to have back problems the never seem to go away. My biggest worries are about my financial situation. I'm going to have to get the lawyer going on the bankruptcy soon. Forty to fifty phone calls a day stinks. I've gotten so used to ignoring my phone that when someone does call that I need to answer I miss those calls and I have to call back. It's nine hundred up front then another eight hundred to do the whole job. For three hundred he said he would start getting the phone calls to stop. At the very least I'll get him to do that. Don't know the recovery time from the surgery, but hopefully it won't be too long. It's the unknowns that drag you down, but if your in this situation, you have to keep trying at it. It will only get worse if you ignore the situation. That's all for now. RJC
Saturday, March 2, 2013
Had the spine surgery on Wednesday and am just now able to sit down a write a little. I'll be the first to admit that it hurts like hell. I don't know how long it will take for recovery nor if I will recover fully. Still have some weakness in my left leg and numbing in parts of my legs and both feet. Hopefully I will recover to one hundred percent but there are no guarantees. I've got one more day of recovery before I start hitting it hard on fixing my financial situation. First thing I need to do is make a house payment. Following that will be the bankruptcy, then taxes. I'll update the status regularly. We shall see how all this turns out. Thanks for reading and comments are welcome. RJC
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Yesterday the IRS seized my bank accounts. I called them today and they released them but you can see that my situation isn't very pleasant. The biggest problem with this situation is that when you seek help, i.e. bankruptcy lawyer, tax relief, etc., that you find that it costs more money, thousands more. I say here that I appreciate that their are a lot less fortunate people than me out there. Even in my situation I wish that I could help every person out there. Kind of hard to help others when you can't help your self.
It's also hard to recognize, well not recognize, but change the self destructive pattern that I have established for myself. I'm sure that people that come on hard times don't usually look to themselves for the cause but I do. There are a multitude of ways that I could have avoided this whole mess and yet I didn't do them. In this blog, I think I will write down the variety of things I could have done so that I may look back in the future and listen to my own advice. If I have a future.
One of the first things I should have done is gotten mortgage insurance. I always told myself it was a waste of money and would put a drain on my self indulgence. That's the blunt truth to the matter. If I had gotten the insurance it would have been a huge burden off of my shoulders.
The next thing I would say, is that I would not have garnered dreams about being a big shot when I became self employed. I should have payed myself no more than any other job would have payed me and just banked the rest. This is a bit of advice I shared with another man and he took it. That man is thriving and still paying himself the bare minimum that he needs.
That above piece of advice is huge. If I had followed it, my taxes would be paid, I would have money in the bank, and I would not be in this situation at all. If I dig myself out of this mess, and I live long enough, I will be taking that advice. If I had done so at a younger age..... You understand.
I have a tax professional that says he can help me with my taxes. I've called numerous companies of this sort and all have pretty much said that they cannot help. I may be wasting my time and money, but I'm desperate. Once I get him involved, I will put his name in here and keep you posted.
That's all my thoughts for now. I hope all that read this lead a happy uneventful yet interesting life.
Until next time, RJC
It's also hard to recognize, well not recognize, but change the self destructive pattern that I have established for myself. I'm sure that people that come on hard times don't usually look to themselves for the cause but I do. There are a multitude of ways that I could have avoided this whole mess and yet I didn't do them. In this blog, I think I will write down the variety of things I could have done so that I may look back in the future and listen to my own advice. If I have a future.
One of the first things I should have done is gotten mortgage insurance. I always told myself it was a waste of money and would put a drain on my self indulgence. That's the blunt truth to the matter. If I had gotten the insurance it would have been a huge burden off of my shoulders.
The next thing I would say, is that I would not have garnered dreams about being a big shot when I became self employed. I should have payed myself no more than any other job would have payed me and just banked the rest. This is a bit of advice I shared with another man and he took it. That man is thriving and still paying himself the bare minimum that he needs.
That above piece of advice is huge. If I had followed it, my taxes would be paid, I would have money in the bank, and I would not be in this situation at all. If I dig myself out of this mess, and I live long enough, I will be taking that advice. If I had done so at a younger age..... You understand.
I have a tax professional that says he can help me with my taxes. I've called numerous companies of this sort and all have pretty much said that they cannot help. I may be wasting my time and money, but I'm desperate. Once I get him involved, I will put his name in here and keep you posted.
That's all my thoughts for now. I hope all that read this lead a happy uneventful yet interesting life.
Until next time, RJC
Monday, February 25, 2013
Financially Ruined
This is just a blog about how I totally screwed myself up financially and the process that I go through to recover. I've been leading my life through self indulgence, spending money on whatever I wanted at the slightest whim. In other words, I have been an idiot. I hope that I have learned from my mistakes. I spent the last eight years making great money as a truck owner operator handing out advice that I should have taken myself. I don't have the discipline it appears to what I really need to do. Then all that income disappeared do to medical reasons. I lost all my income and am currently living on workman's comp. This dropped my income by about sixty six percent. My monthly bills are about seven thousand dollars a month and my workman's comp is three thousand four hundred a month. My house is on the verge of foreclosure and I will be filing bankruptcy soon. Before I can return to work I need back surgery and time to recover. To top it all off, I owe about sixty five thousand in back taxes. The question is, how am I going to recover from all this?
As I said, the first step is bankruptcy. This is inevitable. There is no way possible to recover from the bills that I am behind on. You probably want numbers so here you go. My total debt is about $293,000.00, most of which is secured. My unsecured debt is about $78,000. My monthly payments for necessities is about $1,800.00 without my house payment, $3250.00 or so with the house payment. My monthly income from workman's comp is about $3,400.00. As you can see, I am screwed.
So bankruptcy comes first. Next, I will try to work with the loan company to save my home. If this doesn't work out then I have to find a way to manage another place to live. I think I can save my home but it won't be easy. While I am doing this, I will have to work with the IRS to get my tax issues cleared up. This is all very overwhelming and I am not sure how I will get through it. I have my doubts. I'm sure that many of you will leave rude comments about how I'm an idiot, but thats a given.
I am very worried about the future. I will post updates about how things proceed and I hope that it helps others. Soon I will give a more detailed narrative about how I got into this mess so that others may avoid it before it happens to them. For now I leave you. I appreciate you reading this and I hope that all of you have a wonderful life without these trials.
Bye for now, RJC
As I said, the first step is bankruptcy. This is inevitable. There is no way possible to recover from the bills that I am behind on. You probably want numbers so here you go. My total debt is about $293,000.00, most of which is secured. My unsecured debt is about $78,000. My monthly payments for necessities is about $1,800.00 without my house payment, $3250.00 or so with the house payment. My monthly income from workman's comp is about $3,400.00. As you can see, I am screwed.
So bankruptcy comes first. Next, I will try to work with the loan company to save my home. If this doesn't work out then I have to find a way to manage another place to live. I think I can save my home but it won't be easy. While I am doing this, I will have to work with the IRS to get my tax issues cleared up. This is all very overwhelming and I am not sure how I will get through it. I have my doubts. I'm sure that many of you will leave rude comments about how I'm an idiot, but thats a given.
I am very worried about the future. I will post updates about how things proceed and I hope that it helps others. Soon I will give a more detailed narrative about how I got into this mess so that others may avoid it before it happens to them. For now I leave you. I appreciate you reading this and I hope that all of you have a wonderful life without these trials.
Bye for now, RJC
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)