I am in constant pain now.  The doctor has taken me off my pain meds and I'm not sure thats a bad thing......but it is painful.....I will deal with it....

   I have always done my best to deal with things, sometimes it is difficult, most times it seems impossible.  At the moment I feel that my life is falling apart.  My life does not feel like my own.  Then again, I feel as if I don't know what to do with this life anyways......Maybe somebody else should run it, heh?

   Today is the first day of the rest of my life? Today is the last day of the rest of my life?  Which is it?  Is it even my life?  Sometimes we burden ourselves with so much responsibility that maybe our lives are no longer our own.  Talk to those that really feel that they have a purpose, listen to their convictions... What do I hear... Those that have found love and not squandered it away have the best lives... Even they have challenges, they have responsibilities, and the burden they bare is the fear of letting down the one they love... If the one they love feels as strongly as they do then they cannot let them down...  Cannot disappoint them...

   I found the love of my life once... I tested that love... I failed not them... Is it our nature to test the ones we love...? I think so for I have never tested another relationship... I have never found another love...

   I don't think that I have ever been loved in the way that I felt for my love... Perhaps she did love me the same... I will never know... I will never ask...

   Just random thoughts that none will read here... Thoughts that can float in the vast space of the internet... I find comfort in the unknown at times... I also find fear... So life goes on... Even after we're gone... What is next.......